Could God really care about the tiny details of your day? Zara didn't think so. She grew up in a Muslim family in the heart of the Middle East. Then she ended up in a women's Bible study in America with women who talked about what God was doing in their lives. She wondered if God might care about the details in her life too. Find out what she learned from those women, and what it means for you in your own walk with the Lord. This is part 2 of Zara’s story.
Could God really care about the tiny details of your day? Zara didn't think so. She grew up in a Muslim family in the heart of the Middle East. Then she ended up in a women's Bible study in America with women who talked about what God was doing in their lives. She wondered if God might care about the details in her life too. Find out what she learned from those women, and what it means for you in your own walk with the Lord. This is part 2 of Zara’s story.
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Karen:
Have you ever held back from sharing your faith, especially with people of other faiths and cultures? Welcome to the iHOPE Empowers Podcast. This episode is from iHOPE Ministries, Blue Cord Series for women. I'm your host, Karen Bejjani. And here's a fresh dose of inspiration to embolden you, to share Jesus with women of other faiths and cultures.
Zahara :
If I've known you for 10 years and you didn't tell me about your diet, whatever that would be okay. But if you didn't tell me you were married and you had a husband, I would say that's pretty fishy. I maybe wouldn't believe you have a husband actually, if you told me 10 years later, or if you never told me, if someone told me about it, that would be weird. I wouldn't believe that. So if you really believe that God is a part of your life a relationship and not a religion, I understand you not sharing a religion because it's just a set of rules like a diet would be. That's okay not to share that. It makes sense. As a Muslim, I didn't really have the desire of like letting other people know. I just need to leave my people. But if you're a believer in Christ and Jesus is a part, a tangible part of your day-to-day life, that's a relationship in your life. How weird would it be for you not to tell someone it would be unnatural not to. I think if you truly believe that I cannot possibly imagine you keeping it quiet. It would be like hiding, like not telling someone about your son or your husband, but this is a way more important relationship. This is what created you.
Karen:
Hello, my Blue Cord friend welcome back to part 2 of our podcast. If you missed last week's episode be sure to go back and listen to my dear friend Zahara as she shares about her life growing up in the Middle East and how God saw her right where she was. You know it doesn’t matter how isolated you might feel in your situation God always sees and knows every detail of your life and He never forgets a promise that He makes. In Numbers chapter 15 God instructed the Israelites to place a blue cord on their garments and every time they would look at it, it would serve as a reminder of His promise He made to them. I find it so interesting that He placed such detail on the cord. He told them the color and where to place it. I believe this is an example of how important it is when God makes a promise to you He never forgets. This scripture was the inspiration behind the name of this podcast the Blue Cord and today we will wrap up with part 2 of Zahara’s story. There was a turning point in Zahara’s life where she began to study what Christians actually believe. We will pick up right there. So Zahara what did you do next? How did you go about that in your thoughts?
Zahara:
Well, I first started with debates. I just liked watching apologetics. I really wanted to see what the best arguments of both sides were and how the other side tackled those. And so kind of honestly, to take out the weeds, see well I don't need to get into these with my friends it's already been done. It's out there. I would watch a lot of debates. Definitely. At one point, I think I finished YouTube. There was nothing left for me to watch
Karen:
In all of the Muslims that I have met, who haven't later in time became followers of Jesus. You are one of the first ones that I've ever met who've watched all those apologetic debates. And I would say that's because of how God wired you.
Zahara:
Absolutely. He had these resources. I mean, to think that I think I kind of get flattered by God that He started the work in my friend two years before she met me. How sweet of Him to do that for me, that He started this work in another human I don't even know yet because He was going to use that to find me. I think that's just fascinating. And I mean, in this day and age, I don't even think we have an excuse to not have enough information. I was like, there's at the end of this. I can't tell, I don't know enough that's that that option is not there. So after doing that, I think I was before I think I moved on to other avenues of sources of information. I definitely had a moment where I needed to stop straddling both. I had my feet in both boats. Well, this has pretty good points. And this has pretty good points, but that's never the good way because the truth is objective. You can't even as a Muslim, I would never say you worked with my truth. I think that's one of the silliest things I could've said because Jesus either died or He didn't. Mohammed was either a true prophet or he wasn't.
Karen:
They both couldn't be true.
Zahara:
It's merely, it's either raining or it's sunshine. You cannot possibly say we're both. Right. So I had to define what that would look like because I was getting exhausted in this research and not even exhausted just mentally, I think spiritually it's so exhausting time and time again, things that you've taken as fact to kind of fall apart really easily and not just after a long time, but just really easy. It hurts both you spiritually, but also your ego and your pride. I think it's not nice to feel like that. So I just needed to draw a line and I decided, well, we could focus on Jesus died because the Quran says He didn't do that. He never died. So if we could historically prove that that happened. If I were to switch back in time, go there right now, I would watch him die. All right, then the Quran that's out of the picture, obviously, there will be other moving parts for it to be the truth, but at the very least I can, I can eliminate, I needed to streamline my research. And so I thought about that, but also the Quran is the reason why Islam is true, just like Jesus is the reason Christianity's true for either party. It's not that the Bible, the Bible, and the Quran are not equal would be the equivalent. It would be Jesus and the Quran. They're both the why's of the faith. And so I needed to focus on the Quran and I mean a few months in I just got to such a heartbreaking place studying the old ancient six manuscripts just between themselves. Having claimed that the Bible has been corrupt, but not even one dot of the Quran has been changed saying that over and over more times than I could possibly count and definitively seeing that that could not possibly be the case, even in every alternate scenario that I can imagine. I couldn't come up with one word that would all be reconciled at the same time. So I just got to this place where I was like, I know definitively, I can not with integrity say I'm a Muslim anymore. Knowing what I know. But I obviously didn't tell my friend this, but now I was just, I had to streamline focused research. I needed to know where my friend went wrong or her faith went wrong. And that's kind of what you were saying that I just needed to know that I can't dismiss her faith on account of her being my only source of information. Because a lot of the things I was really interested in, like free will and predestination my friend wasn't and that's okay. She doesn't need to become an expert in everything I care about, but I also can't dismiss that she might be wrong because she doesn't know. I think that's unfair. That would be totally unfair. So I started going to Church. I figured
Karen:
Wait, wait, wait. So you started going to Church and this was part of your research.
Zahara:
Absolutely. I wanted to find a pastor that is seminary trained because I think in any kind of research if you're able to dismantle the best argument that gives you the most credibility. So I wasn't going to go find a dodgy website that told me 10 reasons why Christianity can't be true. I'm going to go to a pastor and see what they have to say about it. And at that point, it was just curiosity because there were so many different opinions of Christians online that I was getting more confused because anyone can post anything online. And I just needed people that were clearly respected in their community. I mean, I come from an Eastern background authority means a lot. So I just wanted to find pastors that might be able to help me out. So I went to a couple of Churches at the beginning to find people that might be able to answer my questions. And in that kind of weird way, again, God just beautifully put that story together where I ended up being in a Bible Study with a bunch of women.
Karen:
This just blows my mind. So you jumped in and suddenly you were with a bunch of women and your studying Ephesians
Zahara:
Ephesians 6 is the armor of God. And I, and I remember thinking like, what God I was in that moment. I didn't, I was no longer Muslim. I couldn't say that, but I wanted nothing to do with Jesus. And so I was like, this is fun to learn about, but it feels so detached from me because there's clearly no emotion of mine attached at all. And I know I can't call this Allah. So I'm just there. All right armor of God, here we go. But I followed through, I went till the end. and it was really, really cool to watch Christians in action, kind of for lack of a better word.
Karen:
So how did they differ? What did you see from outside eyes? So of course I've grown up in the church. I've known this has been my whole life, but how, what were the differences that you noticed as you were engaging with them?
Zahara:
They talked about God personally. So personally, and to the degree where I almost used to think they may be like they might be lying, that they definitely didn't feel God tell them what turned to take on the highway. There was no way, God is God doesn't care about your like tiny parts of your day. But there were a few times where I would, they would all share with each other what God's doing in their life. And it would ever be what they've done for God. It would be what God's done for them. I think that's a big mindset because I mean, as a Muslim it's is all that you can gather and put in front of God, what you have to offer to Him. And it's never necessarily always from Him. And I think that was really cool to watch, but also just the community of Christian women praying. So like I said, so personal they're sharing things I couldn't possibly imagine God caring about, but so it was kind of like I told you, it was like, it was definitely a data point that even if they don't, even, if this isn't true, which is what I thought it was going to be the case, they believe it like that in itself is a testimony. People praying for me, people praying with me in the name of Jesus loud and clear unashamed, meaning it, talk, telling Jesus to move my heart and to, and all of these things were just none of them necessarily for me, meant I could like add another checkpoint but I can't really learn that on YouTube. I can't really see Christians in action. I can't see. And I mean later I told you that I got plugged into another group and those were younger girls, people, my age, confessing to each other. That is the wildest thing for a Muslim to watch people confess their sins to one another. I cannot stress this enough. I was uncomfortable I sat there and I wish they would stop. And I remember saying, I really don't want to know this about you. This is my second time here. And I wish, I didn't know you did that this week. Like just hide it away. Don't share this. Don't put it out in the open. That's shameful there. It's not, maybe not even shameful. It's just so not part of the culture I grew up in you hide sin or you overdo it. You outdo do it. And then it's no longer a problem. To confess it and ask people for accountability that was one of the weirdest things that I, as a, whatever, I was seeing people confess their sins in the past week and then say, can you hold me accountable to that? Can you be my prayer partner for the week? Wow you really, really believe that your sin is forgiven because you're not taking it lightly.
Karen:
So here you are you the Lord's been wooing you, so you were a person of peace, although you weren't peaceful. You were studying the word hard, hard, hard, hard. You were engaging in community with other believers who loved you and they were praying with you. So a year of intense studies happened by this point, you set out to find the truth just as a lawyer would very rationally, very comprehensively. And at some point, you came to believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God and that Jesus was resurrected from the dead. And these were facts now, at this point, they didn't mean anything yet in your life. So tell us about this. This is like a point of reckoning where you kind of hit a dead end and you came to realize this was true. Although you weren't ready to make this decision.
Zahara:
It was okay for me, for it to be true. As long as it didn't affect, I didn't need the baggage that came with it being true
Karen:
Yeah, so tell me the baggage that would come with that. What kind of baggage would come?
Zahara:
My family. I was thinking my grandpa's I've always been so close. I love older people. Just my grandpas were, I was really close to both of them. One of them was the missionary that we just talked about. He traveled to weird villages in unknown places to spread Islam. And I was like, there was no way that his level of sincerity would mean he was headed for hell or he was. I mean, I'm that if it's not from God, it's from the enemy. And so that's what he was reading. And to me, that just felt that gave me such an icky feeling, to stick with that. My other grandpa was a lot like my dad, where he was just a lover of God, whoever he might, might be, he maybe didn't pray five times a day, but he for sure loved people. And he showed that. And so it was just a lot of thinking. And then I would, again, just because...
Karen:
So you were counting the costs, you were counting the cost at this point
Zahara:
And people that I know right now, I was just mathematically working out everyone that I know in my life, which is every human that I didn't meet in the last year would be a Muslim. And there was no way I could reach all of them. I was just even figuring, I was like, maybe I could perfect my language that I could speak to my grandmas. There's no way I could possibly reach those people. And not that it's on my shoulders, which I mean, the grace that comes with Christ is crazy. But just in that moment, I was like, I don't need this because it feels selfish. And the moment I thought, oh, I could take this for myself. And then what selfish in the sense that, well, now I have it. And y'all don't or what would it mean for, for me to have it.
Karen:
Okay. So then this day, this day out of the blue, where you have worked through everything, so rationally, so logically you've come to this impasse, you're counting the cost. And then this day, suddenly you did come to Christ and it was not any way that you imagined
Zahara:
I figured out that I didn't want it. After counting all this cost that I just told you about my answer was I'm okay. I'm okay for now. I clearly need it because, you know, in order for you to say, you need a Savior, that means you need saving. And that part of I figured out, yeah, I don't think there's there's that work in this, but in order for Jesus to mean something to me would mean I'd be losing too much right away. So I just wrote down my five-year plan. I wrote down, I said, you know what, in five years, maybe I'll do it. I can put the, like, put a pin on it and I'll come back to this and then I can accept Him because I've done. I've I know enough. I don't think a Christian would ever say that you need to believe in the flood being literal for you to be saved. I know the essentials and they're clearly true. I just don't need, like you said, the baggage.
Karen:
So I love that you made a five-year plan for yourself. It's funny that we all do that with, like, we write out our plans, our human plans, but then God has other plans for us
Zahara:
He was probably laughing. I think it was laughable that I wrote down that in five years from today, I will be accepting Christ and that'll be great. Or if I get sick really suddenly, and then I'm dying and I can just do it and... you can't do anything about it. I was like, that'll be great. I wrote that down at the very next day. I mean, I was
Karen:
This was the next day.
Zahara:
This was through the night. So I stayed up through the night. So I was definitely sleep-deprived. I hadn't slept in probably 30 hours, but the next day I just sat again with my friend who wasn't provoking that's the best part that I just thought, if anyone even wants to talk about it, I'm going to say, I don't want to talk about it. And then I brought it up and I don't even know if I brought it up in the flesh because it's humanly impossible. But I just said, how do you just sit there and act like you're forgiven? And my friend said, are you okay? What has gotten into you? I just said you're just so smug acting like you're going to go to heaven. And she was like, do you need water? Or what's going on? I just said, how can you know, you're forgiven? And she said it's a promise of God. I said, yeah, but how can you feel it? She said all you have to do is ask. And I had the biggest meltdown I think I've ever had. I am not a crier. I am not an emotional person or I wasn't, I think now I cry most of the time, but, oh my goodness, did I have a meltdown? I just broke down. I think there was a moment. I remember it was like maybe 10 or 15 seconds of the grossest feeling I've ever had, which was all kind of all your sin comes back to your head and you think, I really thought I was going to end up okay with that. Like, I really thought all that wasn't a problem. It wasn't heavy. It was funny as a Muslim, I used to say, Christians don't take sins seriously. Cause you think even with your sin you're going to heaven and I was like, Muslims, take their sin way more seriously. And in that moment, I thought if I ever took sin seriously with all that, I thought I was going to heaven. And it's just this icky feeling. And then I think God just overpowers you. Maybe physically knocks you down I just sat there crying. So happy to receive this grace. So overwhelmed could not describe what happened. I don't remember the next. It was like, I mean, I never drank or did any of that in college, but if I did, I would imagine that would be the feeling. I just don't remember the next hour. And He took me.
Karen:
So it was the work of the Holy Spirit leading you. And so now you're my sister in Christ, which is so exciting. And you're one of the smartest fiercest women that I have met. And I know that if I ever needed an attorney, I am coming to find you. I want you on my side. So anything else about your whole journey that really stands out to you?
Zahara:
I think it's maybe not even part of the journey. It's mostly after. That I'm trying really hard obviously with, I mean, I'm a planner, so I tried different plans with all different people. And it's helped having the Holy Spirit guide you when and how He leads you to, but also for you to take that step. I think it's so important to talk to people about your faith because it's not a faith. I think I told you this. I think it's weird if I had known you for 10 years and you didn't tell me about your diet, whatever that would be okay. But if you didn't tell me you were married and you had a husband, I would say that's pretty fishy. I maybe wouldn't believe you have a husband. Actually, if you'd told me 10 years later, or if you never told me and someone told me about it, that would be weird. I wouldn't believe that. So if you really believe that God is a part of your life a relationship and not a religion, I understand you not sharing a religion because it's just a set of rules. Like a diet would be that's okay not to share that it make sense as a Muslim. I really didn't have the fire of like letting other people know. I just needed to lead my people. But if you're a believer in Christ and you and Jesus is a part, a tangible part of your day-to-day life, that's a relationship in your life. How weird would it be for you not to tell someone it would be unnatural not to. I think if you truly believe that I cannot possibly imagine you keeping it quiet. It would be like hiding, like not telling someone about your son or your husband, but this is a way more important relationship. This is, this is what created you. So I just think that maybe my journey looked different and I don't think people need to learn Islam for two years to talk to a Muslim. I think the testimony of having those women pray with me and pray for me was just as much of a data point as textual criticism. It was because I saw what it looked like to follow Jesus. Stuff you can't read in a book. And so I just really, I mean, if you found the cure for cancer, I don't think you'd sit in your house and like write it to yourself and you have, and you're doing that. So just don't be selfish. Go out there and tell people this.
Karen:
Okay. Awesome. And so one last thing. So I, I can see now through the whole arc of your story, that God's love was just chasing after you, He saw you, He had you, He was focused on you the whole time. So now in retrospect, what are your thoughts about that?
Zahara:
I think God works in ways we couldn't possibly know looking back. I think there are so many pieces that fit together even as back as when I was in my first year of university and God wanted me to know that a relationship with Him as like a romantic relationship from the, I think it's so beautiful how God works, but also like God is okay using the ugly. I think that's probably my biggest takeaway because like you said, I wasn't a peaceful person of peace sure. That for my friend to know, but I wasn't peaceful. And yet He used the ugly to get me to Him. I don't, He's not scared. I mean, He's used David, He's used, Moses. He's used people that have done things that you've done. He's okay. Working with that. And I think to know that He can do that to whatever, whoever you're ministering to whoever you're talking to just know He's okay with that. He loves them exactly the same in mind as you. You could not possibly add to that. He worked with the ugly in me. He worked with my pride at times. You worked with my ego at times and He was totally okay to bring me to Him, to shatter it, and then hug me really tight
Karen:
That is so beautiful. So as we close out our time together today, Zahara just thank you. Thank you so much for being here. You've said so many quotable things. God uses our ugly to bring something to good. So even when we are our most combative, He can take anything we're throwing at Him. And yet when we're coming back and we really seeking the truth, He's going to let us know regardless of how we might be sharing our faith. He's going to use all things toward that good. So as we close out our time together today, my friend, my Blue Cord friend, I want to leave you with one thing to think about and talk about with your faith-filled friends this week. And that is, I want you to think about how God has used your ugly for good. What does that look like for you and in your life? And then how can now knowing that He sees you and He's always seen you right from the get, go, even though the ugly, what does that mean for you going forward? Thanks so much.
Karen:
Thanks for listening to this podcast. A donor-supported series from iHOPE Ministries for more bite-sized things to know and do to share your faith with intention, follow us on Instagram @ihopeministries and then go to ihopeministries.org and sign up for our weekly e-newsletter. If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribe wherever you listen, your review helps the show empower more everyday Christians with the courage, confidence, and know-how to share Jesus in our generation. See you next time.