perfect on the outside while feeling unworthy inside? Today’s guest did. As she wrestled with difficult family issues, she felt ashamed and defeated. To outsiders, her Muslim family looked perfect. Yet she knew otherwise. It left her feeling empty and alone. And hope seemed far away. But God intervened and He turned her life around. And if he can do that for her, he can do that you for you too.
Have you ever worked hard to make things look perfect on the outside while feeling unworthy inside? Today’s guest did. As she wrestled with difficult family issues, she felt ashamed and defeated. To outsiders, her Muslim family looked perfect. Yet she knew otherwise. It left her feeling empty and alone. And hope seemed far away. But God intervened and He turned her life around. And if he can do that for her, he can do that you for you too.
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Karen:
Have you ever held back from sharing your faith, especially with people of other faiths and cultures? Welcome to the iHOPE Empowers Podcast. This episode is from iHOPE Ministries Blue Cord Series for women. I'm your host, Karen Bejjani. And here's a fresh dose of inspiration to embolden you, to share Jesus with women of other faiths and cultures.
Aizada:
I keep realizing again and again that God loves me. Life is a journey and there are ups and downs, but every time God reminds me, how much He loves me and He's faithful
Karen:
Welcome back Blue Cord friends. You know, have you ever worked hard to make things just look perfect on the outside while feeling unworthy inside? Well, today's guest did. And as she wrestled with difficult family issues, she felt ashamed and defeated. So to outsiders, her Muslim family looked perfect. Yet she knew otherwise, and it left her feeling empty and alone, and hope seemed far away. But God intervened and He turned her life around and if He can do that for her, He can do that for you too. But before you meet her and hear her encouraging story, let me share the inspiration behind the name of the series The Blue Cord. God reveals in Numbers 15:37 that He gave His people a reminder, a tassel with a cord of blue, as a reminder that they served a holy living God who left instructions for their times inspired by this biblical blue cord. I pray this blue cord podcast will be a catalyst for you to know Him and make Him known. So let's get started. I'm here with Aizada. She is going to share the story of how she came to know God and make Him known. So Aizada let's just start with your own journey. You grew up in a Muslim family in Kyrgyzstan. Now that's very unlike my own childhood. What was that like for you?
Aizada:
First of all, thank you Mrs. Karen for having me. It's an honor to be able to share to your question. I was born to a secular Muslim family in a country called Kyrgyzstan it's in central Asia. My parents were more cultural and secular, but at the same time, they had a very strong identity as Muslims. And there was a big pride in that as well in Islam. As there are many cultures intertwined with our nationality and tribe? So everything, our lifestyle and how we interact with people, everything was influenced by Islam. And we strongly believed. I knew from my early childhood that anyone who would convert to another religion, especially Christianity would automatically go to Hell like it would be guaranteed. So there was a big fear even just to interact with Christians.
Karen:
So, as you were growing up, did you even know any Christians?
Aizada:
Yeah, so I knew one convert. We would call her Baptist. She was my classmate when I was in Middle School. And the word Baptist was, well, I can't joke or it's a word to offend someone or else it derogatory. That's right. And she lived close to my house. So after school, we would walk back home together. And I was really stared at walking with her because we heard some scary stories of what these Baptist people do like that like they would drink blood in their gatherings and sacrifice babies. So I was really terrified and I would actually share with her pretending, I didn't know she was a believer that, Hey did you know these people who converted do those kinds of horrible things? And she would say, oh my gosh really? And she would just laugh at it
Karen:
Wow, isn't it interesting how, when we don't understand another culture or another religion, we make a lot of assumptions? Just like we make assumptions right here in America about other faiths and religions. When you were growing up in Asia, the same thing was happening to you.
Aizada:
And also I knew another guy who was an alcoholic in our village. People talked about him a lot because I knew him afterward. He became sober. And the reason he became sober is he became a convert and became a believer. Of course, everyone avoided him and they would mock him and he would endure persecution. But everyone knew that there was something in him that really changed his life.
Karen:
So you saw the change in him
Aizada:
Yes, I did. I did.
Karen:
So here you are. You are growing up in a secular Muslim family in a nation with a strong cultural identity to Islam where it's just intertwined with your just identity. What was the turning point for you? How did, how did God see you there and begin to woo you to himself?
Aizada:
So recently I've been going through the stage of just processing about my past. And a lot of things came up. Like, I didn't realize how my brother was an abuser, verbal and emotional, and how that actually triggered a lot of things that happened to me that made me look for answers and look for God. So my parents from the outside, they were very successful. My mom was a doctor. My dad was an accountant who had a car unlike the majority of people in the village. And so people would say, oh yeah, they do great. But on the inside, I was really desperate. I was dying. I'd say that it was a dark and empty. And like I mentioned, my brother, he was abusive and he would say horrible things for years growing up, like, you are not worthy to be living like you are the vampire. Like you're sucking our parent's blood. Because my parents, they invested a lot in me to go to school and get some tutoring so I could learn English and Math and things like that. And he would say that I was a mistake basically in this world. And after hearing that for an extended period of time, even though I knew it was a lie, I started living and I had his voice in my mind all the time saying, yeah, yeah what am I doing in this world? Like, what's the worth of waking up every morning and keep breathing. And when I was a teenager, I started asking deeper questions about the purpose of life. This life is not easy. It's not easy. And unless we have a purpose, unless we have this big picture of why we're here. I didn't see a reason to put an effort of just waking up in the morning. So I started having suicidal thoughts, even attempted to take my life in college. So I would say one of the reasons I kept living through my high school is I had a goal to get into this amazing university. They call it a Harvard of central Asia, where I thought I would get the answers to my deep questions. So I got accepted to the college where all the people of different cultures and different beliefs were welcomed. But my questions, I didn't find answers. I was utterly disappointed and even fell into a deeper depression from which I don't think I would ever get out. And one day I decided that was it, that there was no reason to continue living. I went to a pharmacy where in my country, you basically can buy any medicine you want without any prescription. In fact, a prescription is something I learned here in the states. So I wanted to buy sleeping pills. I thought, well, it was a painful way to get out of this world and the lady didn't sell to me. The Pharmacist. And she said, just drink some warm milk with honey and you will fall asleep right away.
Karen:
So the Lord was intervening right then and there. And you didn't know it
Aizada :
Yes. Yes. And I went to the second pharmacy and they didn't sell it to me. That's okay. Like there are other pharmacies I can go to tomorrow. So the next day in the morning I went to school and I had one friend. She was from South Korea, always fun, joyful. And for whatever reason she welcomed me. And for whatever reason, she befriended me and she would ask questions. She was very interested in learning about my family. What I believe, just in general, who I was. So that day when I went to college, she said, Hey, I have some friends over here. You want to hang out. And as a student, I was always hungry and I said sure. So we had pizza, hanging out and one of her friends, started sharing the Gospel with me and she opened her Bible and the gentleman says where it says that I was created in God's name.
Karen:
What an amazing moment. I mean, after the darkness and the despair, and the hopelessness that you had been feeling to wake up this next day to have your friend invite you over for pizza with her friends and her friend opened up the word of God to that passage in Genesis, as you reflect back now, what are your thoughts about that? It seems God's fingerprints are all over that.
Aizada:
I think it started very early from that girl who I used to go to middle school, probably she prayed for me and just little touches of God in His protection. And He knew exactly who to put on my path to speak into my life.
Karen:
She invites you and she hands the Bible to you and asks you to read this scripture. What happened next?
Aizada:
As Muslim people believe? I mean, I believe that there was something in the Bible. Like it wasn't just people's work. There's something in the Bible, powerful. So there was an authority. I felt the authority. And just being able to read the Bible, she highlighted the words that she wanted me to read a scripture. And one of the things that really touched me was in Revelation where Jesus says, I am standing and knocking and whoever opens it, I'll come. And so as someone from the culture, that hospitality is a big deal, I just felt very deep like Jesus is knocking on the door of my heart. You know, I just, the power of the word I would say was deeply touching and moving
Karen:
Well, don't miss this because I want to make sure that for our Blue Cord Ambassador, who's listening to this right now. We hear this time and time again. When we talk to people from other faiths and cultures who come to salvation in Jesus, they share time and time again, the role, the critical role that reading scripture had in their walk and in their journey, because the word of God is living in active and powerful and it's alive. And so in this moment, it was very much alive in your heart and right down to the hospitality culture from what you grew up in. So at that moment, as you read that verse, what happened next?
Aizada:
So the reason I read the word and the reason I was sitting with them and discussing about Christianity was I thought, well, you know, I'm at a college, I'm pursuing an education and I want to learn about other religions. That was my pure motivation. My friend asked, Hey, you know, based on what Jesus did on the cross for us, do you want to accept him as your Lord and Savior? And I said, no, Are you crazy? Like what kind of question is that? And what really strikes me was my friend said, Hey, you know, we've been friends for months now. And I feel like you are walking dead. And it really breaks my heart because Jesus is the only one who can take you and give you life. And at that point, I mean, I would feel such an emptiness in my heart. And there was a hole deep in my heart where even the wind blows for me, like cold when I, I little physical field, but to feel that, and when she said you are like a walking dead, I said, I'm thinking, yeah, actually she's right. I was about to kill myself yesterday. And that's my plan for today. So yeah, I'm basically with my one foot on the grave. And maybe even though if I would convert, that would mean my family that I'm betraying my whole family, my parents, my culture, my tribes and country, even my nationality. What is like, what, what, what they say is true and that there is a hope in life in Christ. So it was my desperate moment of just the hope of a glimpse of a hope in Christ. So, so I say, yes. Yeah, yeah. I want to accept Jesus, not moving forward not knowing what it means, but there was a quince of hope that I didn't find in my culture, in my college, in my religion a time where asking it question was not a thing to do and Islam and the answer I would get was just have family, have kids build wealth and have a comfortable life. And people actually don't really know themselves. What's the,
Karen:
You know what strikes me as you share the story Aizada is number one, I'm so excited that we are sisters in Christ. And number two was the love that your friend had for you because she could have kept quiet, but she loved you enough to share the hope that came in a relationship with Jesus. And when you said, no, are you crazy? That's the moment that many of us are concerned about? Well, what if my friend thinks I'm crazy for asking that, but she did not. She had that bold competence that, that salvation in Jesus was exactly the hope that you needed. And so how exciting that she knew that and that she offered and she pressed in regardless to whether or not you thought that was crazy or not. She did.
Aizada:
Yeah. Yeah. Pressed in. That's the right word. I couldn't really say no, but her courage to speak the truth greatly.
Karen:
Yeah. Amazing. So after that incredible moment, I imagine all the angels in heaven were just rejoicing and suddenly you are a brand new believer. And I bet then at that point, how did you come to be discipled?
Aizada:
It was an awkward feeling after saying the prayers and that evening I went home and my first ever prayer in bed was Jesus, If you are really the son of God that they are talking about, please take away the weight and burden that I have on my shoulders because it's just too heavy, I cannot carry it anymore. I just cannot carry it anymore. And that was it. That was my first prayer. And took a while, about a year to really realize that God has been at work in me prior to that for a long time, I would never look at the mirror. I was so depressed. I hated the world. I hated myself. I hated my parents for bringing me into this world and I would never look at the mirror. So one day about a year I was washing my face in the bathroom and realized actually I was looking at the mirror in front of me and I smiled with myself and I realized that I hadn't thought about it in a while. And that all we got to do that, but only that was the answer that I asked Jesus to take away the burden of depression
Karen:
For any listener who might be listening today, who is facing now that burden of depression and hopelessness and despair, especially after two years of very difficult pandemics, what would be your advice to them?
Aizada:
I would say, first of all, the community, I know it's a time of isolation for a lot of people, but what I can recall is whenever I would go to church, right after becoming a believer, they would just, they just loved on me unconditionally. So just feeling that unconditional love was very healing, which I never experienced before, even with my parents. And they would affirm it, they would say, oh, you are Aizada you are a child of God. She's so beautiful and created in God's image and God so much a community of believers. And God's word. Absolutely. God's word just believing and clinging on God's promise because that always voices His promise,
Karen:
Beautiful, seek a community of believers, and keep seeking until you find that. And then hold on tightly to God's promises, keep repeating them to yourself. Beautiful. Anything else that strikes you about your discipleship process Aizada?
Aizada:
Yeah, so looking back even though I was loved at the church and they speak the truth of who I was in Christ, there wasn't a whole lot of discipleship happening like a Christian. So after I become a believer. There was a freedom I was taught. There was a freedom, um, which I didn't know what it means, what this freedom means. So I lived like the world does pursue a career being in relationships. So after college, I went to work outside of the country where I would go to a chapel. There I would say my journey of discipleship started where I saw the chaplain, opening his Bible and speaking to God's word as the truth, the absolute truth that we can apply in our everyday life, that God is not safe. And He saves us through His son and just stands back and watches and moves us along. Now, God is the one who is very much involved in our lives. He's the God who can approach and who is not complicated, but rather He gave His word in black and white where we can read and know His will and have a relationship with Him intimately on a daily basis. Also by God's grace, I was introduced to a podcast by a church here in Dallas, where there is the biggest gathering of young adults happens, the biggest gathering in the world of young adults on a weekly basis. Where discipleship happening on what it means to date let's say, or what does it mean to work for the glory of God in our corporate world, or as a student, those are the things that are practical and down to earth that could speak into me. That's how I operate. And that was another, I would say the discipleship that God provided
Karen:
As we wrap up our time together. Anything else that you'd love to just share from your heart about your own journey and how it might apply to our listener today?
Aizada:
Yeah. There are two things I wanted to share is two things that I already shared just to emphasize that each of us are created in the image of God, regardless of our abilities and differences, regardless of disabilities, the person might have, we are all created in the image of God and that God really cares for us and loves us. I've been growing in that
Karen:
Do you remember the moment when you first fully realized how much God loves you?
Aizada:
Looking at the mirror was the moment I keep realizing again and again, that God loves me because life is a journey and there are ups and downs, but every time God really reminds me how much He loves me and He's faithful and He's just a prayer away, a prayer away. Yeah.
Karen:
I'm so grateful for that friend that had the boldness to share how much you were loved, how much God loved you through His word.
Aizada:
This was the second point is God's word. We can, when we are talking to someone in reciting or from the memory we can cite God's word, I think there is power in actually having the person be the word.
Karen:
Amazing. That is an amazing tip today. Your friend handed you, the Bible opened it up, and said, read this verse. Never underestimate the power of the living word. Well, thank you so much, Aizada these were just amazing points. I have several takeaways, one to seek a community of believers, hold on to God's promises to realize God's love for you, and to share that with others. And lastly, make sure that you have your non-believing friends read God's word because it is living and active, and powerful. And so as we close out our time together, friend, I want you to know that just in a few episodes, we'll be ending our 2021 season. And I'd love to hear your input on this podcast to help us plan for the next season next year. So please take our quick survey in the link in your show notes. It should just take a couple of minutes. And when you do, we'll put your name in a drawing for a free iHOPE book. So God bless you and see you next week. Thanks for listening to this podcast. A donor-supported series from iHOPE Ministries. For more bite-sized things to know and do to share your faith with intention, follow us on Instagram @ihopeministries then go to ihopeministries.org and sign up for our weekly e-newsletter. If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts and subscribe wherever you listen, your review helps the show empower more everyday Christians with the courage, confidence, and know-how to share Jesus in our generation. See you next time.